Transferring my Being present/ Standing still performance practice to the donkeys, and practicing it together
"Maybe the practice got transferred by the kisses on mouth to mouth breath contamination like the conspiratio practice of breathing one in each other’s mouth to get contaminated through breathing through the breathing of life from mouth to mouth doesn't matter if the mouth is a muzzle the breath is a breath." excerpt from the text |
It's funny because they are going on this but this is not going anywhere. So the ant is going up and down on the stick in the house that splits the windows on diagonal from one end to the other only that the upper end of the stick is ending nowhere so the ant has to climb down and then it returns up hoping that it will arrive somewhere but it arrives nowhere i mean at the same end that end nowhere in the middle of the third window and it has to climb down again and so on or maybe the ant just enjoying this no purpose up and down or it loses its memory or has no memory connected to the stick and its roads. Traces foot traces are the presence of the absence and when there are footprints of animals in sticky and moldy roads in the woods you might imagine anything.
Or maybe it is not just one ant going up and down there are several ants going and then disappearing. Does it make more sense if there are more ants and not just one ant? Just one kind of a poison mushroom in the middle of a field trail it looked like a snail like a sea snail the ones that are specific for the bottom of the sea that we recognize as sediments and exited that this is confirming my theory that here was a sea before it was us and me i glued my hand on them but they were soft and puffy and puffed into my nose and now i am thinking I am going to die soon poisoned by the fake snails disguised in poison mushrooms so delicate that one can hardly see but I saw them and touch them it is not so good to touch everything I might say. Today I've finally learnt how to make a fire. With patience and brain. Not passion. Just pragmatism. 14042022 good Friday day but I am just enjoying the silence outside and the tiny sounds inside because I am on a different calendar. In the morning i dreamed my father he was sitting on the terrace in front of a house in the nature with firs and pines outside on a chair with his stick and realized how much I miss him and that I spent so little time with him since I was born and that i miss him so much I wish him to be healthy again how he was but this is not possible I woke up with that sensation of time passing irreversible of the decay and death you can not stop the time and the missing emotion is so difficult to manage you can just quite yourself and eventually cry I already miss the donkeys outside it is better to interact less so the memories will stay nicer perhaps the presence is in the memory we keep the others' presence in our presence and we walk it into the world whatever it might be and the absence is the strongest presence is it ever disappear Now I need to go to my donkeys until they all disappear Camouflaging into the woods playing hide and seek with a deer hiding behind the trees and under the grass but couldn't avoid stepping on the fallen woods and crack. So even when you're trying to avoid your presence there is the sound that betrays your presence. I am absent but I'm noisy enough so you can know I am here. Even only breathing it is a noise keeping your breath while you re still alive is almost no possible. I can not teach children only through my presence I can make them teach themselves from the energy around capturing what is invisible but still present grab it through the air that is not only air. Avoiding people is avoiding your presence to spread. The only problem was my size. The size of my presence that could be measured. The body. Your body is your measure, you are measured and you are measuring the size of your measuring. There is nothing more that this. You can not fit into a cupboard if you are not a mouse or a cat for example. Also a cat can still fit into a cupboard. Or a small dog or a rabbit but a donkey for example for sure will not fit, even as a baby. So if this assumption is correct I will also not not fit walking with a broken leg will help to look with your eyes on a diagonal to the ground in a very fix point you have to immobilize your gaze in order to concentrate on the broken walk just to follow the stripe that links your eyes to the ground but not falling into it. Anyone could jump that fence only a little man baby perhaps not. I didn't see the wolf yet but I could have seen the train passing above myself. Even hearing the sound of its metal wheels sliding on the metal rails and cutting my presence into pieces. Better than a wolf. I haven't seen the wolf yet but I've seen the train. Climbing a tree like the bird looks in the mirror every morning and afternoon going all around it and talking to herself in the mirror. Or maybe she is A he. Anyway this isn't so important. Actually i would like to see a wolf so what should I do going for a walk into the forest during the night do i have the gut to do this or I am just a frightened chicken oh i finally killed that fly i am so happy now I can sleep peacefully but it took me too long for hunting so I am awake for good I think yes I should do that try to go for a walk in the night when full moon to connect also with this kind of landscape the truth is that I am not in the mood to go shopping again how is to walk for three kilometers for a bread in the 21 century it is awesome at 80 km away from Berlin where everything is parceled and quite civilized only new cars only the land rover is old and dusty that's how I like I do not mind the dust the dust is from the land and the land supports your feet and you as well. My coat smells like your coat. The difference is that your coat is on forever is your own skin and fur naturally grown on your body. Mine is a fake. But now it smells like a real one. Your presence is your smell and your smell now is my smell on my clothes and maybe also on my skin I hope my skin is also smelling like you that means your smell is stronger because I have it now it is not the opposite I hope it's because my body always want to hug your body your animal furry body not the opposite the one who is hugging is taking the other one’s smell. I have a little hole in my house leggings. I will knit it in the afternoon on my left knee. Your presence is my presence. And I am in your presence. I skipped the gees the other day on the green wet field and gray in the open field so open that I couldn't hold it The sheep were attacked by the wolves and only one survived the black one. Maybe because it camouflaged into the darkness they found it the other day glued to the donkeys she wouldn't leave the donkeys and she has the near death experience in her eyes that went inside her body and that became a baby that was born dead maybe the price for her life giving a life for a life the next one shall be fine also black I hope how is to survive when the rest are not you keep their absence in your presence and the moment when they just disappear in fear and terror. The black sheep was leaning on me trying to cross the big wall that is a field that is a stage that is an modulated sound of nature connected to the sunlight. I am honored to be part of the D family. The D Family won’t let me out without biting. The sun is always punctual. She already knew it was dead; she even didn't look at it; she got it out, then stood up and walked away. Just give it some time 2-3 days, have some rest, put some ice, stay with it up and see how it works. All these melted smells Differential movement of the spoken language that is forming into my mouth and gets transferred into your head because my head is so empty and full at the same time the bird from yesterday is still alive. No, it's not about my knee, it's about my brain. On the bottom of the sea there is my knee like a snail. My body is being left in the position of disappointing surprise. Why taking left and not right. Donkeys they don't care about me. They care only about their food. The survival point check in check out. I was looking left and right left and right zoom in zoom out to the left the same way I already did several times and a bit longer on the right an unknown road on diagonal a shortcut but not tested yet and not on the map for sure I have to cross the train tracks and then maybe to cross the thread of water that is crossing the fields so what direction should I choose left right left right left right maybe I take the right anyway what could happen anyway not anything bad I'm certain but still left right left right left right also in writing on a paper left is considered known and the right the unknown this apply also for stage performances creations if you put something on the left side the brain will decodify it as safe and known I've been there thing but if you put it on the right it will be mysterious and unknown and will have a different interpretation by the brain this you learn also in school but i didn't think that in this art hermitage already directed residency script for me it will be the same because the field is not a stage and also not a piece of paper so I took the unknown side and switched my leg off, I am saying switched off because it switched and now it's off. Hopefully the train didn't pass that moment and I hadn't fallen on the railway. Otherwise I would only be in your dreams right now my so present absence of a body that once on a field took the diagonal on the right and not on the left side. But you took the left so you are safe so safe that nothing different can happen everything's under control The Garbage I still have it inside. Every time it hurts it heals. First it hurts and then I can walk better every time. Interesting way of healing. Boiling potatoes while the sun goes down. I filmed the sunset on the boiling potatoes sound. Performing for the fields. I love it it's just like the childhood with animals I never had in real flesh and bones and presence, I had only as toys and the animals I had for real here they just died like the rabbit and the singing bird which actually I do not know if it is dead or still alive but when the wind blows from the right I can feel a slight smell of dead body. This is not what I really mean. Dr even said that it is good to take the arnika. Doctor even if said the same. but Dr Even didn’t know that I have to run with the donkeys and after donkeys and inside and outside That's why sometimes it's good to be the black sheep than being no sheep at all Sitting on the grass in between two fences so is no one's land I lay between the fences looking to the horizon gazing the green field edged by the trees imposing my presence into this spot marking it with my presence and energy and everything else that I have inside and outside the sensation that I have no fences around me is different and interesting laying in an open field with freedom and no protection no margins at all so the margins are protective you put a fence to protect but in the same time you are caught inside inside the protection field the donkeys are talking somewhere else now you can not hear them anymore. Experiencing the sun without the fences and the presence without the fences. How is your presence with fences or without fences I can not stop myself of performing the nature have something else. Staying in between the fences is much more interesting than without fences at all you experiment the contrast when you put a line somewhere you change the sensation and also the context and the meaning. The meaning of laying in between the fences is different from laying in a space or field without fences at all or somewhere surrounded by fences. You put a fence to delimit and protect. This is my property. The back door is the front door and the front door is the back door. I'd like to be able to call people without calling them. I put a little magnet on the stove to attract the fire and the fire was attracted now I feel parts of my body and skin burning need some ice to cool it down I put some ice in the fridge when i came here in the plastic shape of the chocolate candies but I broke my leg and i can not go to the fridge to pick it up so i will just burn because i put a magnet on the stove and attracted the fire now the sun is strong too it burns my face through the big window these branches look like arms with fingers just to hold the energy of the place in its own hands I am talking nonsense my body is so tired of its presence and also the absence. I am too sensitive I have to die. In the forest there are lines everywhere and also the lines from the shadows of the trees everything looks well organized and composed. The composition in the forest seems perfect but there could always pop up something new. Only one tulip. And three sunsets including the one that is happening right now. Of the presence and the absence of the sun. Of the presence of the body of the sun. Of the presence of my body into the sun. When I reach 20 pages I'll stop. What i was doing when i was 20? Love in the elevator. A little hope just crossing the forest putting water to a dead free tree I mean to some cracked branches into a glass of water what to do that for counting the sunsets it's not an option too many lines I do not know which one to follow I put a magnet into the stove to attract the fire and I got burned. How to find out if the bird is still alive if i don't see it around means it is alive and she flew away so her presence in the visible world of livings in this case manifests by its invisibility or absence the presence is confirmed by the absence of the bird not by its presence if she is dead it should be visible somewhere like was the rabbit when alive I just saw it shortly crossing the fields but when dead on the edge of the road it was dead and present there for a long time till someone would’ve been taking it or just eat it. I have I have I have to stop there is a strange sensation that I have both memories with the rabbit alive and also dead its presence while being present absent on the field and his presence in his absence while dead it was a big rabbit so it took it some time to grow and to run on the fields and then suddenly its absence on the field transformed in a stiff presence on the edge of the field and of the road so once it entered the road his presence became absence and its absence very present I started to cry how is to see in the Easter eve a smashed brownie rabbit the same rabbit that one day before you said hello in the green field it is weird I can tell you you feel like you are a bad person and what you like gets smashed. But let's not be apocalyptic. Maybe the rabbit was too old and it was his time. But also the entrails were out so maybe this was the art piece of a wolf. The wolves that exist but I haven't seen one yet. Why are you so amazed that I know English English it s such an easy language The donkeys before going to sleep they come to greet me and to pet them at the back door of the kitchen so they can push me in and come with me into my human shelter and bed and sleep together and I have to push them back I think they also like that it is a physical gesture made with a lot of affection when our bodies furry and clothy are in contact and push one into the other’s they to enter me to defend even if I'd like to let them in it's a donkey way to say goodnight this pushing full of love and mollycoddles I wonder what will happen if I let them into the bedroom what could possibly go wrong. Loving pushing when you enjoy it you’d like it to happen but you know it's not allowed just because it is not I do not understand the particularly reason actually but you have to do what you have to do and nobody gets upset not me not the donkeys and everybody loves it just swinging the presence from one my human body to the furry donkey’s one. And also making sounds B is making her soundy breath full of joy and enthusiasm sounds like she's breathless and start to suffocate but it is just joy and the acceleration of the breath and noise and me, also full of joy and enthusiasm I am saying no no no we can’t do this it is not allowed, also I bit suffocating of joy. This ping pong presence and of course if I am not determined enough in my other presence than the physical one they will win because they have much more force than me. They are donkeys I am an artist. Actually I would like them to push me and to take me on their muzzle head and back and go Suddenly I felt like going to the neighbors © ana catalina gubandru |